Top 5 Mistakes to Avoid During Divorce Mediation in Illinois

Divorce mediation can be one of the most efficient, cost-effective, and respectful ways to separate in Illinois, especially when compared to litigation. But like any process involving legal rights, finances, and family dynamics, there are key pitfalls to watch out for. In this blog, we share the "Top 5 Mistakes to Avoid During Divorce Mediation in Illinois" so you can prepare yourself for a more productive, less stressful experience.

Whether you're navigating divorce as a parent, a business owner, or part of a multi-generational farm family, avoiding these common mistakes can help protect your peace of mind and your future.

Mistake #1: Coming Unprepared to Mediation 

One of the biggest missteps is arriving at mediation without a clear understanding of your assets, debts, and goals. Mediation is a time to resolve issues and the more prepared you are, it increases your chances of coming to a faster resolution.

Before your first session:

• Make a list of all marital property and debts

• Gather income statements, tax returns, and bank records

• Think through your priorities (e.g., custody, home, retirement)

• Gather any other relevant documents that may be useful

For farm families or ag clients, this also means understanding:

• Farm equipment ownership and value

• Land leases or ownership structures

• Family succession plans already in place

Mistake #2: Letting Emotions Take Over

Divorce is emotional; however, mediation works best when both parties focus on resolution, not retaliation. If you show up with the intent to “win” or prove the other person wrong, you’ll likely derail the process.

Mediators are trained to keep conversations respectful and focused, but it helps if you:

• Take breaks when needed

• Stick to facts, not feelings

• Separate your emotional healing from legal negotiation

• Focus on the end result and the bigger picture

This is especially important for families who also have to co-parent or continue working together, such as in the case of farm partnerships.

Mistake #3: Refusing to Compromise

Mediation requires give and take. If either party is unwilling to budge on anything, the process often stalls, and the case may end up back in court.

Some common areas where compromise is needed:

• Parenting time and holiday schedules

• Division of personal property or sentimental items

• Financial responsibilities like health insurance or tuition

In agricultural divorces, this may mean:

• Agreeing on how to value and divide farm equipment or livestock

• Making decisions about shared land or co-owned business entities

Mistake #4: Not Asking Legal or Financial Experts for Input

While mediation doesn’t require a lawyer present, it’s still smart to consult with an attorney or financial advisor before finalizing your agreement. This especially relevant when:

• Large financial assets are involved

• One party owns a business or family farm

• Retirement accounts or real estate are being divided

A mediator can guide the conversation, but they do not provide legal advice. Having professionals review your draft agreement ensures you're not missing important protections.

Mistake #5: Treating Mediation Like a Courtroom

Mediation is not a trial. There's no judge, no testimony, and no "winning." If you show up to argue, prove your case, or attack the other party, you'll likely shut down communication.

Instead, approach mediation with a collaborative mindset:

• Use "we" language instead of "me vs. you"

• Look for mutual benefits

• Focus on future solutions, not past problems

This mindset is particularly important when farm families are involved. The long-term operation of the farm and often the relationships between family members depend on a peaceful resolution.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Q: Can we still use lawyers if we choose mediation?

A: Yes. In fact, it's encouraged that both parties have legal counsel to review the final agreement.

Q: What if we don’t agree on everything?

A: Partial agreements can still be helpful and reduce court involvement. Remaining issues can be handled in court.

Q: Can we mediate if we have a complex business or farm to divide?

A: Yes. Mediation is especially useful in complex cases like farm divorces because it allows for custom solutions that courts may not offer.

Q: Is mediation confidential?

A: Yes. Mediation is private and generally cannot be used against either party in court.

Q: How many sessions does mediation take?

A: It depends on the complexity of your situation, but many couples resolve matters in 2–4 sessions.

Mediation Is a Tool, Not a Battle

Divorce is difficult but it doesn’t have to be destructive. Mediation allows you to take control of the process, minimize legal costs, and protect important relationships, especially in co-parenting or farm-based families.

Avoiding these five common mistakes can help you get the most out of your divorce mediation process and reach an outcome you can live with.

Ready to get started? Contact Illinois Mediation Clinic, LLC at (217) 774-5834 to schedule a confidential consultation with one of our experienced mediators.